We all do have a invisible boundary that help us to distinguish things that we do control, have right & that we don't.
Some examples of boundary from practical life :
1) Boundary of Nation : every nation have its boundary & jurisdiction of that nation applies to all part within that boundary.
You can't cross any nation boundary without prior approval.
2) Your home : your home do have boundary in form of walls.
No body could enter in your home without approval.
3) King castle : Earlier, kings Live in a castle protected with some layers of defence.
If one tries to enter in King castle without approval, it's considered as attack.
You may have listen many times in general communication, "hey, you are crossing your limits".
In order to not cross our limits,we need to understand what Comes within our limits & what Comes out of our limit.
What Comes within our limit : all of our resources that we do control Comes within our boundary like
- Finance
- intelligence
- Emotional energy
- Time
- Skill
- Bike,car,tv or any monetary possession
What comes out of our limits: all the things that we can't control Comes out of our boundary. The list is long but some of examples are :
- Your boss
- Your girlfriend or spouse
- Nation economy
- Anything that you does not have ownership.
Suffering : I do not need to explain suffering but could be in any form Like tension,anger,irritation
What causes suffering: it could be one of the below reason
1) Trying to control things that are outside our boundary : One of the major issue is we expect other person to act according to our desired wish. We forget that we can't control them & in end suffer.
Ex. If you ever had been in relationship, you may have tried to control your partner & vice versa.
2) Weak boundary : With certain people, we do have a weak boundary or say holes in boundary.
The 2 Major ways to identify holes in boundary are:
A) The person who feels uncomfortable to say & listen "no" have weak boundary. Other person could easily enter in your territory & May manipulate you. It leads to Leak out of your resources.
Someone else may be exhausting your resources just because you were uncomfortable to say no.
B) The person who often uses word "should" in his sentence.
When you uses word "should", you are trying to guide what & how things shall be done.
Ex. He should have gone there.
He should ask for dinner.
He should have not taken leave.
But he who uses word "should" forget the concept of boundary.
Most of the times,he is trying to correct things that are out of his boundary.
May be he is right but could he change someone else ? - Noooooo
Solution : Build a boundary with doors just like your home. The door of your home is open to Certain people & for certain time.
Ex. You have open your doors for your employer from 10:00 am to 6:00 pm.
For else time, the door is closed.
Fix a certain time for which you are available. Don't be always available else ready to be taken granted.
How to grow your boundary ?: With your current resources,you pursue for a goal.
A goal is something that is out of your boundary & you are trying it to bring it in your boundary.
Once you achieve that goal, it become part of your resource too & your boundary grows.
2 things to remember while pursuing goal :
1) Many time we chase a high goal that we are not able to achieve with current resource.
I m not saying you cant achieve it,i m saying you cant achieve it with your today resources.
Quit that goal,put it out of your boundary else it will cause you suffering.
You may try for that goal in future with your updated resources.
2) Increasing boundary have nothing to do with happiness. Many people have increases their boundary too much by achieving things & increasing their resources but their resources are sitting ideal today.
Ex. If you buy a big mansion, what are you going to do of all space if you are single.
Ex. Their are many rich people for whom money is just a piece of paper,they have earned a lot more then their needs.More money cant serve them in any way.
Some examples of boundary from practical life :
1) Boundary of Nation : every nation have its boundary & jurisdiction of that nation applies to all part within that boundary.
You can't cross any nation boundary without prior approval.
2) Your home : your home do have boundary in form of walls.
No body could enter in your home without approval.
3) King castle : Earlier, kings Live in a castle protected with some layers of defence.
If one tries to enter in King castle without approval, it's considered as attack.
You may have listen many times in general communication, "hey, you are crossing your limits".
In order to not cross our limits,we need to understand what Comes within our limits & what Comes out of our limit.
What Comes within our limit : all of our resources that we do control Comes within our boundary like
- Finance
- intelligence
- Emotional energy
- Time
- Skill
- Bike,car,tv or any monetary possession
What comes out of our limits: all the things that we can't control Comes out of our boundary. The list is long but some of examples are :
- Your boss
- Your girlfriend or spouse
- Nation economy
- Anything that you does not have ownership.
Suffering : I do not need to explain suffering but could be in any form Like tension,anger,irritation
What causes suffering: it could be one of the below reason
1) Trying to control things that are outside our boundary : One of the major issue is we expect other person to act according to our desired wish. We forget that we can't control them & in end suffer.
Ex. If you ever had been in relationship, you may have tried to control your partner & vice versa.
2) Weak boundary : With certain people, we do have a weak boundary or say holes in boundary.
The 2 Major ways to identify holes in boundary are:
A) The person who feels uncomfortable to say & listen "no" have weak boundary. Other person could easily enter in your territory & May manipulate you. It leads to Leak out of your resources.
Someone else may be exhausting your resources just because you were uncomfortable to say no.
B) The person who often uses word "should" in his sentence.
When you uses word "should", you are trying to guide what & how things shall be done.
Ex. He should have gone there.
He should ask for dinner.
He should have not taken leave.
But he who uses word "should" forget the concept of boundary.
Most of the times,he is trying to correct things that are out of his boundary.
May be he is right but could he change someone else ? - Noooooo
Solution : Build a boundary with doors just like your home. The door of your home is open to Certain people & for certain time.
Ex. You have open your doors for your employer from 10:00 am to 6:00 pm.
For else time, the door is closed.
Fix a certain time for which you are available. Don't be always available else ready to be taken granted.
How to grow your boundary ?: With your current resources,you pursue for a goal.
A goal is something that is out of your boundary & you are trying it to bring it in your boundary.
Once you achieve that goal, it become part of your resource too & your boundary grows.
2 things to remember while pursuing goal :
1) Many time we chase a high goal that we are not able to achieve with current resource.
I m not saying you cant achieve it,i m saying you cant achieve it with your today resources.
Quit that goal,put it out of your boundary else it will cause you suffering.
You may try for that goal in future with your updated resources.
2) Increasing boundary have nothing to do with happiness. Many people have increases their boundary too much by achieving things & increasing their resources but their resources are sitting ideal today.
Ex. If you buy a big mansion, what are you going to do of all space if you are single.
Ex. Their are many rich people for whom money is just a piece of paper,they have earned a lot more then their needs.More money cant serve them in any way.
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